Good morning, brothers. It is wonderful for me to be here, to share with you this gift so beautiful that the Lord gave me.
That which I am about to recount to you happened May 5, 1995 at the National University of Bogotá, starting from 4:30 pm.
I am a dentist. I and my 23-year-old cousin, who is also a dentist, were studying in order to get the specialization. On that day, which was a Friday, about 4:30 pm, we were walking together with my husband toward the Faculty of Dentistry to find some books that we needed. With my cousin I walked under a small umbrella while my husband wore a rain coat and to shelter himself better he was walking near the wall of the General Library. We two were jumping from one side to the other in order to avoid the puddles while staying close to the trees. When we jumped over a rather large puddle we were hit by a lightning bolt which left us both carbonized.
My cousin died immediately. The lightning bolt entered from behind, burning him inside totally, and came out through his feet, leaving him intact externally. Not withstanding his young age, he was a very religious young man. He had a great devotion for Baby Jesus and he always carried around his neck His image, a quartz medal. The authorities said that it was the quartz that attracted the lightning bolt to my cousin, because it entered into the heart burning everything…
Remaining intact externally, he immediately had a cardiac arrest which did not respond to the attempts of reanimation by the doctors, and he died on the spot.
As for me, the lightning bolt entered from my shoulder, burning terribly the whole body, inside and out; in short my flesh disappeared including my breasts, especially the left one, leaving a hole. It caused to disappear the flesh of my abdomen, of my legs, of the ribs; it carbonized the liver, it gravely burned the kidneys, the lungs, the ovaries… and came out through the right foot.
For my contraceptive, I was using a spiral (an intrauterine devise in the form of a T), and because of the material with which it is made (copper) it is a good conductor of electricity; the lightning bolt carbonized and pulverized also the ovaries which became like two raisins.
I remained in cardiac arrest, just about without life, with the body that was jumping due to the electricity that was still present in that place.
This body that you see here, now, this reconstructed body, is the fruit of the mercy of Our Lord.
The Other WorldBut this is only the physical part… The good part is that, while my body laid there carbonized, in that same moment I found myself inside a beautiful white tunnel of light, a wonderful light, which made me feel a joy, a peace, a happiness that I do not have words to describe the greatness of that moment. It was a true ecstasy. I looked, and in the end of that tunnel I saw a white light, like a sun, a beautiful light… I say white to tell you a color, but we are talking about colors that cannot be compared to those that exist on the earth. It was a splendid light; I felt from it a source of peace, of love, of light…
When I went up in this tunnel toward the light, I said to myself: “Caramba, I’m dead!”
And so I thought about my children and I sighed: “Woe is me, my God, my little children! What will my children say? This mother so occupied, that she never had time for them…” In fact, I left early every morning, and I did not return before eleven at night.
And so I saw the reality of my life, and I felt much sadness. I had left my home determined to conquer the world, but at what price! … Putting in the second place my home and my children! … In that moment of emptiness due to the absence of my children, without feeling anymore my body, nor the dimension of time or of space, I looked, and I saw something very beautiful: I saw all of the people of my life… In one single moment, in the same moment, all the people, those living and those dead. I was able to embrace my great grandparents, grandparents, parents (who were dead)… everyone! It was a moment of fullness, wonderful. I understood that I had deceived myself with the story of the reincarnation: they had told me that my grandmother had been reincarnated, but without telling me where. Since the information cost me too much money, I let it go and I did not delve into the research in order to know in whom she might have been reincarnated. You know, I defended the theory of reincarnation… And now, there, I had just embraced my grandmother, my great grandmother…
I embraced her well, as I could do with all the people who I knew, living and dead. And all in one single instant. My daughter, when I embraced her, became frightened: she was 9 years old, and she felt my embrace, because I could also embrace the living (only that, normally, we do not feel this embrace).
I almost did not realize the passage of time during that moment so beautiful. And then, now that I no longer had the body, it was stupendous to see the people in a whole new way. Before, in fact, I only knew how to criticize: if one was fat, skinny, ugly, elegant, not elegant, etc.
When I spoke about others, I had to always criticize something. Now no: now I see people from within, and how beautiful it was… While I embraced them, I saw their thoughts, their sentiments…
So I continued to go forward, full of peace, happy; and the more I went up, the more I felt I was about to see something very beautiful. In fact, toward the bottom, I sighted a beautiful lake… yes! I see a stupendous lake, trees so beautiful, but so beautiful, wonderful… And very beautiful flowers, in all colors, with an exquisite perfume, so different from our flowers… Everything was so beautiful in that stupendous garden, so wonderful… Words do not exist that can describe it, all was love.
There were two trees, to the side of something that seemed to be an entrance. It is all so different from what we know down here: you can not find in the world similar colors, up here it is all so beautiful! … It was in that moment that my cousin entered in that wonderful garden.
… I knew! I felt that I must not, I could not enter there...
The First ReturnIn that same instant I hear the voice of my husband. He laments and cries with a profound sentiment, and cries: “Gloria!!! Gloria! Please, do not leave me! Look at your children, your children need you! Gloria, go back! Go back! Do not be a coward! Return!”
I heard everything, and I saw him cry with much pain... Alas, in that moment Our Lord granted me to leave… But I did not want to return! That peace, that peace in which I was wrapped, fascinated me! But, slowly slowly, I began to descend again toward my body, which I found without life. I saw it lifeless on a stretcher of the National Nursing University. I saw the doctors who were giving me electric shocks to my body, to pull me out of cardiac arrest. I and my cousin remained more than two hours laid on the ground, because our bodies were giving off electric discharges, and they could not be touched. Only when the electric charge was completely discharged, they could help us. And then they began the attempts to reanimate me.
I looked, and I rested the feet of my soul (also the soul has a human form), my head made a spark and with violence I entered, because the body seemed to suck me inside. It was an immense pain to enter: there came out sparks from all over and I felt myself jammed into something very small (my body). It was as if my body, with this weight and stature, suddenly entered into a baby’s outfit, but of iron. It was a terrible suffering, I felt the intense pain of my burned flesh, the body totally burned caused an indescribable pain, it was blazing terribly and gave off smoke and vapor… I heard the doctors cry out: “She is coming back! She is coming back!”
They were very happy, but my suffering was indescribable! My legs were frightfully black, there was live flesh on the body and on the arms! The problem of the legs was complicated when they considered the possibility of amputating them!
… But for me there was another terrible pain: the vanity of a worldly women, and enterprising woman, intellectual, the student… Slave to the body, to beauty, to the fashion, I dedicated four hours every day to aerobics; enslaved to having a beautiful body, I underwent massages, diets, injections… Basically everything you can imagine. This was my life, a routine of slavery in order to have a beautiful body.
I always used to say: if I have beautiful breasts, they are to show them; why hide them?
I said the same thing about my legs, because I knew I had spectacular legs, nice abdominal muscles… But in an instant, I saw with horror how my whole life had been only a continual and useless care of the body… Because this was the center of my life: love for my body. And now, I no longer had a body! In the place of the breasts I had startling holes, especially the left one, which was practically gone. The legs were a sight to be seen, like fragments, but without flesh, black as coal. Note: the parts of the body that I took care of and esteemed the most, were the ones that were completely burned and literally without flesh.
At the HospitalThey then brought me to the “Social Seguro”, where they operated on me immediately, and began to remove all the burned tissue. While they were anaesthetizing me, I again came out of my body, worried about my legs, when all of a sudden, in that same moment, terrible and horrible…
But first I must tell you something, brothers: I was a “dietetic (cafeteria) Catholic”, I was for my whole life, because my relationship with God was taken care of in a 25 minute Sunday Mass, and that’s all. I went to the Mass where the priest spoke less, because I got tired! What anguish I felt, with those priests who spoke a lot! This was my relationship with God! For this all the worldly currents drug me along: I lacked the protection of prayer well done with faith, even in the Mass! One day, when I was studying for the specialization, I heard a priest affirm that hell does not exist, and not even the demons! It was precisely what I wanted to hear! I immediately thought to myself: if the demons do not exist, and there is no hell, then we all go to Heaven! And thus, what is there to fear?!
What makes me most sad now, and I confess to you with great shame, is that the only tie that still held me in the Church, was the fear of the devil. When I heard that hell does not exist, I immediately said: very good, if we all go to Heaven, it is not important what we are or what we do!
This determined my total moving away from the Lord. I distanced myself from the Church and I began to speak badly, with cusswords, etc. I no longer had any fear of sin, and I began to ruin my relationship with God. I began to say to everyone that the demons do not exist, that they are the inventions of the priests, that they are the manipulations on the part of the Church, and finally… I arrived to the point of saying to my colleagues at the University that God does not exist, that we were products of evolution, etc. etc., succeeding in influencing many people.
Let us return now to the operating room: when I saw myself in that situation, what terrible fright! I finally saw that the demons existed, and how, and they came to seek precisely me! They came to present to me the bill, one could say, since I had accepted their offers of sin! And these offers are not free! One pays!! My sins had their consequences...
In that moment, then, I began to see come out, of the wall of the operating room, so many persons, apparently common, normal, but with a look full of hate, diabolic, frightening, who made my soul tremble: I immediately perceived that we were dealing with demons. I had in myself a special awareness: I understood in fact that to each one of these I owed something, that sin is not gratuitous, and that the principle lie of the devil is to say that he does not exist: this is his best strategy in order to work as he pleases with us. I realized that yes, he exists, and that he came to surround me, to seek me! Just imagine the fright, the terror!!
My scientific and intellectual mind, now did not help me at all. I went around in the room, I was trying to get back into my body, but this flesh of mine did not receive me, and the scare was terrible! I ended up fleeing as fast as I could, I passed through, I do not know how, the wall of the operating room, hoping to be able to hide myself in the aisles of the hospital, but when I passed the wall… Down! I made a jump into emptiness…! I headed toward several tunnels which went down toward the bottom. At the beginning there was still a little light, like beehives in which there were so many people: young ones, old ones, men, women, who were crying, and with frightening screams they were grinding their teeth… And I, ever more terrified, continued to descend, seeking to get out of there, while the light was going away diminishing… I carried on roaming in those tunnels in a frightening darkness, until I arrived to an obscurity that cannot be compared to anything else… I can only say that, in comparison, the darkest obscurity on earth is not even comparable to the full sunlight at midday. Down there, that same obscurity generates pain, horror, shame, and stinks terribly. It is a living obscurity, yes, it is alive: there the mind is dead or inert. At the end of my descent, running along all these tunnels, I arrived to a level place. I was frantic, with a will of iron to get out of there: the same will that I had to ascend in life, but now it did not help me at all, because there I was and there I remained. At a certain point I saw the ground open up, like a great mouth, enormous! It was alive! Alive! I felt my body empty, empty in a startling way, and under me an incredible frightening abyss, horrible; that which chilled me the most was that, from there down, you did not feel even a little Love of God, not even a little drop of hope. That chasm had something that sucked me into it. I cried out like a mad women, terrorized, feeling the horror of not being able to avoid that descent, because I realized that I was irretrievably sliding inside… I knew that, if I might enter, I would not at all have remained there, but I would have continued to descend, without ever being able to come back up. It was this, the spiritual death for my soul.
The spiritual death of the soul: I was irretrievably lost forever. But in this horror so great, precisely while I was about to enter, St. Michael the Archangel seized me by the feet… My body entered in that abyss, but the feet remained held on high. It was a terrible moment and truly painful. When I arrived there, the light that still was left in my spirit annoyed those demons; all the horrifying unclean beings that dwell there, immediately attacked me. Those horrible beings were like larva, like bloodsuckers that were trying to block off the light. Imagine the horror in seeing myself covered by such creatures… I was crying out, I was crying out like a mad women! Those things were burning! Brothers, they are living darkness, it is a hate that burns, which devours us, which makes us naked. There are not words to describe that horror!
The Souls of PurgatoryNote that I was an atheist, but there I began to cry out: “Souls of Purgatory! Please, pull me out of here! I beg you, help me!”
While I was crying out, I began to hear crying thousands and thousands of persons, youth… Yes, above all youth, with so much suffering! I perceived that there, in that horrible place, in that quagmire of hate and of suffering, they were gnashing their teeth, with screams and laments that filled me with compassion and that I will never be able to forget… (Already 10 years have passed, but I still cry and suffer, when I remember the suffering of all those persons)… I was saying, I understood that in that place there were those persons who, in one moment of desperation, they committed suicide… Now they are in those torments, with those horrible beings near them, surrounded by demons that torment them. But the cruelest of these torments was the absence of God, because there one does not feel God. I understood that, those who in one moment of desperation took their lives, had to remain there, within those torments, until all the time that they might have spent on the earth had passed: because all those who kill themselves, go out of the Divine Order.
Those poor persons, above all so many youth, many, many… They cry and suffer much… If man might know the suffering that awaits him, never would anyone make the decision to take his life!
Do you know what the greatest torment is, there?
It is to see how one’s own parents, or relatives, who are alive, are crying and suffering with a tremendous sense of guilt: if I would have punished, or if I would not have punished, if I had said to him, or if I had not said to him, if I had done this or that… In the end, these regrets so terrible, - a true hell for those who love them and remain in this life - , they are what makes them suffer the most. It is the greatest torment for them, and it is here that the demons rage, showing these scenes:
“Look how your mother cries, look how she suffers, look how your father suffers, look how they are desperate, how they are distressed, how they blame themselves and discuss, accusing each other reciprocally, look at all the suffering that you caused them. Look how they rebel against God. Look at your family… All this because of your fault!”
That which these poor souls need, is that those who remain down here might begin a walk of conversion, that they might change their life, that they might do works of charity, that they might visit the sick… And that they might offer Masses in suffrage for the soul of the dead. These souls benefit enormously from all of this. In fact, the souls who find themselves in Purgatory can no longer do anything for themselves. Nothing! But God yes, through the Mass. Also we must help them in this way.
I thus understood that those poor souls could not help me, and in this suffering, in this anguish, I began again to cry out: “But here there is an error! See I am a saint! I never stole! I never killed! I never did anything evil to anyone! On the contrary, before failing in my business, I imported the best products from Switzerland, I extracted and adjusted teeth, many times I did not require the clients to pay if they were unable. I bought things and I gave them to the poor! What am I doing here?!...”
I was vindicating my rights! I, who was so good, who would have to go straight to Heaven, what was I doing here?!
I went every Sunday to Mass, even though I considered myself an atheist and I did not pay attention to what the priest was saying, I never missed Mass. If I missed Mass five times in my whole life, it was a lot! What is it that I was doing there?!
“But what am I doing, here? Pull me out of here! Take me out of here!” I continued shouting terrified, with those horrible beings hanging on to me!
“I am Catholic! I am Catholic, please, get me out of here!”
I Saw My ParentsWhen I shouted out that I was Catholic, I saw a little light: and you see that a small light even very small, in that darkness, is the maximum, it is the greatest gift that one can receive. I saw some steps at the top of this chasm, and I see my father (who died 5 years before) almost at the entrance of the abyss. He had a little bit of light; and four more steps up I saw my mother, with much more light and in a position like this, as in prayer. As soon as I saw them, I experience a joy so great that I began to cry out: “Dad! Mom! What joy! Come and take me! Come and take me out of here! Dad, Mom, please, get me out of here! I beg you, carry me out of here! Carry me away!!”
While all this was happening, my body was in a deep coma: I was intubated, connected to the machines, and agonizing. Air was not entering into my lungs, the kidneys were not working… If I was connected to the machinery, it was only because my sister, who is a doctor, had insisted with her colleagues, invoking the motive that they were not God. In fact, they thought that it was not worth while to keep me alive, and they spoke in these terms to my relatives: they said it was not the case to keep going relentlessly, that it was better to let me die tranquilly, because in any case I found myself in agony. My sister insisted so strongly, that they…
Do you know the incoherence? I defended euthanasia, the right to die in a dignified way!
The doctors did not let anyone enter where I was, except this my sister doctor, who remained continually next to me.
When my soul, which was in the beyond, saw my parents, my sister, who was near my body in coma, she heard me clearly crying out to them, so happy, that they might come to take me.
Perhaps it might have happened to one of you to have heard a person in the state on unconsciousness to cry out, or pronounce some words: this is what happened with me. I almost cause my sister to die of fright! In fact, I began to cry out with joy when I saw them, asking them to come to take me; and so my sister, who heard all of this, shouted: “Now it is that she is dead, my sister! My mother and my father have come to take her! Go away, do not take her! Go away, Mom, please; go away, Dad, please: do not take her! Do you not see that she has small children! Do not take her away! Do not take her away!”
The doctors had to pull her out of there, thinking that my poor sister was delirious, that she might be in a state of shock; which would have been normal, because it was not a small thing that was happening: the death of my cousin, to go to take the corpse to the mortuary, the sister who dies, does not die, but will not live more than 24 hours, according to the opinion of the doctors… It was by now three days that she went forward in this anguish, and this without any sleep. Do not be surprised that they believed her to be exhausted and prey to hallucinations…
For my situation, imagine what joy when I see my parents! In that place, in that situation so horrible in which I found myself, I see my parents!
When they looked toward me and they saw me there, you cannot imagine the immense pain that their faces revealed. Since there we perceive and we see the sentiments of the others; I saw the pain that they felt, that suffering of theirs so great. My father began to cry so, so much, and he cried out: “My daughter! Oh, no! My God, my daughter no! My God, my little daughter no!”
My mother was praying, and when she looked toward me and saw my sorrow in my eyes, but at the same time nothing took away the peace and the sweetness of her face, not even a tear! Instead of crying, she lifted up the eyes, then turned to look toward me. I understood with horror that they could not pull me out of there! This augmented my suffering, seeing them there sharing my pain without being able to do anything for me! I understood also that they were there to give an account to the Lord of the education that they had given to me. They were the tutors, to which was confided the job of looking after the talents that God had given to me. With their life and their testimony, they had to protect me from the attacks of Satan. And they had to nourish the graces, that God had put in me by way of Baptism. All parents are the guardians of the talents that God gave to the children.
When I saw their suffering, above all that of my father, I cried out again, desperate: “Take me out of here! Take me out of here! I do not have fault to be here, because I am Catholic! I am Catholic! Pull me out of here!”
My JudgmentWhen I cried out again that I was Catholic, brothers, I heard a Voice, so sweet, but so sweet… So beautiful, that it filled everything with peace and love, and made my soul jump. Those horrible creature that were clinging to me, at hearing it, immediately prostrated themselves in adoration, and asked permission to withdraw themselves, because they could not stand the sweetness of that Voice: then something was opened, like a mouth hanging down, and they fled with fear. Just imagine this! When I see those beings, those horrific demons, there prostrated… At the mere hearing the Voice of the Lord, (notwithstanding the pride of Satan, and thus they hear it as something very unpleasant), they throw themselves on their knees!
Then, I saw the Most Blessed Virgin prostrated, when the priest elevated Our Lord in the Host, during the Mass that was celebrated for the soul of my cousin. The Virgin Mary interceded for me! Prostrated at the feet of Our Lord, she gathered all the prayers that the people of my earth made for me, and she presented them to Him.
You know, at the moment of the elevation, when the priest lifts up the Host, one feels the presence of Jesus, everyone prostates themselves on their knees, even the demons! … And I, who went to the Mass without the least of respect, without giving any attention, with gum to chew in my mouth, sometimes dozing off, looking around, lost in a thousand banal thoughts…! And then I had the guts to complain, full of pride, that God did not listen to me when I asked something from Him!
Believe me, it was staggering to see how, at the passing of Our Lord, all those creatures, all those frightening beings, threw themselves on the ground, in an impressive adoration.
I saw the Virgin Mary, graciously prostrate at the feet of the Lord, praying for me, in adoration before Him. … And I, a sinner, with my rubbish, treating Him without any respect, and saying that I was good… Yes, miserably good! Denying and blaspheming the Lord!
Imagine what a sinner I was, when even the demons prostrated themselves on the ground, at the passing of the Lord Jesus Christ…!
* * * * * * *
That Voice, so beautiful, says to me: Very well, if you are Catholic, tell me which are the commandments of the Law of God!”
… Think of the fright! ... That question I just did not expect! I only knew that there were 10! And then… nothing more!
“And now, how do I cope with this?”, I was thinking, afflicted. I remembered then that my mother used to say that the first commandment was love, she spoke of it always… Love of God and love of neighbor. In the end, the discourses of my mother were useful for something, I said to myself. So I chose this answer, hoping that it would suffice and that the rest might not be noticed…! I was thinking to get by in this way, as I always did when I was in life: in fact, I always had the answer ready, the perfect answer, I always succeed in justifying myself and in defending myself in such a way, that no one discovered that which I did not know. Now I thought to manage in the same way. And I began to say: “The first commandment is: to love God above everything else, and… the neighbor as myself.”
“Very well: - he said to me – and you did this? Did you love?
Totally confused, I replied: “I… yes! Yes, I yes. Yes!”
But that wonderful Voice said: “No!!!”
I assure you that when he said to me: “No!”, then it was that I felt the strike of the lightning bolt! In fact, I still did not feel on which side it had struck me… But when I heard that “No!”, I felt all the pain of the lightning bolt!... I felt naked, all my masks fell, and I remained uncovered.
That soft Voice continued to say to me: “No!!! You did not love your Lord above all things, and even less did you love your neighbor as yourself! You made of yourself a God that you modeled on yourself, on your life! Only in moments of extreme necessity, or in suffering, you remembered your Lord. And then yes, you knelt down, you cried, you asked, you offered novenas, you proposed to yourself to go to Mass, to prayer groups, asking for some graces or a miracle… When you were poor, when your family was humble, when you still desired to become a professional, then yes, everyday you used to pray on your knees, whole hours, beseeching your Lord! You would pray, asking me to pull you out of that poverty, that I might permit you to become a professional and to be someone! When you found yourself in need and you needed money, then yes, you promised: I pray the Rosary, but You, Lord, grant me a little money!
This was the relationship that you used to have with your Lord! Never, did you keep one promise made, not even one! And beyond not keeping the promises, you never thanked me!”
And the Lord insisted on this: “You gave your word, you made a promise to your Lord, but you never kept them!”
The Lord showed me one of my many prayers: when I asked Him the grace to have my first car, I would pray, and very humbly I would ask that please, he might grant also only a little car, even an old one, it is not important… just so it works. But as soon as I obtained what I desired, I did not even say a “thanks” to the Lord; and eight days later, not only did I not thank Him, but already I denied Him and I spoke bad about Him. He showed me how, in all the graces that He granted me, not only was I lacking in regards to the made promises, but I did not even give thanks.
I saw the Lord in a truly sad way. You know, my relationship with God was like a “BANK CASH DISPENSER”: I put in a Rosary, and He was supposed to give me money… and if he did not give it to me, I rebelled. The Lord showed me all of this. Just as soon as he permitted me to have my profession, - and in consequence, to begin to have a certain prestige and also money - , the name of God was already not comfortable to me… I began to feel I was great, without ever having for Him the least expression of love, or gratitude.
To be grateful? Never! Not even a ‘thank you’ for the new day that he gave me, or for my health, or for having a roof where I lived... Or even a prayer of compassion for those poor little ones who do not have a house, nor something to eat. Nothing!!! Ungrateful to the max! More than anything else, I became more incredulous in regards to my Lord, while I believed in Venus and Mercury for fortune, I went blindly after astrology, saying that the stars direct our life. I began to believe in all the doctrines that the world offered me. I believed, for example, in reincarnation: I convinced myself, simply, one would die and would re-begin from the top… and I forgot it cost a price of Blood to my Lord Jesus.
The Lord continued: “All that you had, it was not given to you because you had asked for it, but it was a blessing that you received from Heaven: you, instead, said to have obtained all by yourself, because you were a worker, a fighter… That everything you had conquered with your hands, and by the force of study. No! Look: how many professionals are there, more qualified than you, who work as much or more than you?”
The Lord gave me an examine of the 10 Commandments, showing me that which I was: that what in words I said to adore and love God, but on the contrary I adored Satan. In my outpatients’ clinic a lady who read the cards would usually come, and she did some magic in order to set free from bad influences, and used to say: “I do not believe in these things… But do it anyway, because one never knows…” And she did her devilment. In a corner where no one saw, she put a horseshoe and an aloe plant, in order to keep away bad fortune, and other such things. Do you know what I did, permitting this? I opened the doors to the demons, so that they could enter at their pleasure, and to circulate freely, merrily, in my outpatients’ clinic and in my life. You see that all this is shameful. God made an analysis of my whole life, in the light of the 10 Commandments, he showed me that which I was in my relationships with the neighbor, and with Him. I criticized everything and everyone… And everyone pointed with their finger, “holy Gloria”…! He showed me when I said to love God and neighbor, but on the contrary I was very envious. Now I saw that, when I deceived someone or lied, it was like committing perjury, because in the moment in which I said: “I am Catholic”, I declared that Jesus Christ was my Lord and at the same time I gave testimony to lies and deception! How much evil I did to so many people! As for the rest I was never grateful to my parents, for all their sacrifice and commitment so that I might have a profession and to triumph in life; for all the sacrifices and the efforts that they did… But I did not see them, I ignored them, and as soon as I had my work, they even diminished in my eyes: to the point to be ashamed of my mother, for her humility and poverty.
Jesus continued, showing me what a spouse I was: I passed the whole day grumbling, from when I awoke. My husband said: “Have a nice day!”. And I: “maybe it will be for you!! Look at the rain!”. I always grumbled and contradicted everything.
… As fare as sanctifying the holy days? What fright! What sorrow I felt! Jesus made me see how I would dedicate four and even five hours to my body with gymnastics, and not even ten minutes a day for my Lord, not even a thank you, or a nice prayer… no, nothing! On the contrary, sometimes I even recited the Rosary beginning it real fast, during the interval of the soap opera. I thought to succeed in praying it during the commercials. I began rapidly, without giving attention to what I said, more worried if the soap opera might had already begun or not, and to what point I had arrived. In short, without elevating the heart to God.
Jesus continued to show me how I was in no way grateful in regard to Him, and the laziness that I had in going to Mass. When I still lived with my parents, and my mother obliged me to go, I said to her: “But, Mom, if God is everywhere, what need do I have to go to church for the Mass?” Clearly, for me it was very convenient to talk like this… And Jesus showed this to me. I had the Lord twenty-four hours a day for me, all my life God took care of me, and I so lazy to dedicate to Him a little time on Sunday, to show Him my gratitude, my love for Him… But the worst thing was to know that, to frequent the church, meant to nourish my soul. I, instead, dedicated myself totally to the care of my body, I became a slave to my flesh, and I forgot this particular: that I had a soul! And never did I take care of it.
Regarding the Word of God, I even said, impudently, that the one who read the Bible a lot, became crazy. I arrive to the point to be a blasphemer, and the incoherence of my life brought me to say: “But what Most Holy? And God would be present there? In the ciborium and in the chalice? … The priest should add brandy, to give it good flavor!”
To what point did I arrive in degrading my relationship with God! I left my soul without nourishment, and as if that were not enough, the only thing I did was to criticize the priests. If you knew, brothers, how bad I felt about this, before Jesus! The Lord showed me how my soul was reduced due to all these criticisms. Beyond everything else, consider the fact that I declared a priest to be homosexual, and the whole Community came to know this… You cannot imagine the evil that I did to that priest! No, you cannot imagine it! I cannot tell you about it, because it would be too long. I tell you only that, one word only, has the power to kill and destroy souls. Now I saw all the evil that I had done! My shame was so great, that there are no words to describe it! Can I only beg you to not do the same: do not criticize! Pray! I saw that the gravest faults which stained my soul, and that drew more curses in my life, was to speak evil about the priests!
Pray For The PriestsMy family always criticized the priests. From when we were small, my father, and everyone in the house, used to criticize and say: “These priests are womanizers, and have more money than us... And they are this, and they are that…”, and we would repeat this.
Our Lord said to me almost shouting: “Who did you think you are, to make yourself god and judge my consecrated ones?! They are of flesh, and the sanctity is to them given for the benefit of the communities in which I put there as a gift. And the communities have the obligation to pray for him, to love him and to support him”. Might you know, brothers, that, when a priest falls, it will be the community to respond regarding his sanctity. The devil hates Catholics, immensely more the priests. He hates our Church, because where there is a priest who consecrates…
I open a parenthesis: you must all know that the priest, even though remaining a man, is a consecrated one of the Lord, recognized by the Eternal Father, so that in a piece of bread happens a miracle, a transubstantiation: by the hands of the priest, it becomes the Body and Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ… And these hands, the devil hates them intensely, terribly. The devil detests us Catholics due to the Eucharist, because the Eucharist is an open door for Heaven, and it is the only door! Without the Eucharist, no one enters into Heaven. When a person is agonizing, God comes beside this person, independent of the religion that he belongs to or his beliefs; the Lord reveals himself and says to him affectionately, with Love and Mercy: “I am your Lord!” And if the person asks for pardon and accepts this Lord, something happens that is difficult to explain: Jesus immediately brings this soul to where the Mass is being celebrated in that moment, and the person receives Viaticum, which is a mystical communion. Because only the one who receives the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, can enter into Heaven. It is something mystical, it is an immense grace that we have in the Catholic Church, a grace that God has given to our Church; and many people speak badly about this Church, and yet by way of Her they receive salvation and go to Purgatory, and there they continue to benefit by the grace of the Eucharist. They save themselves. They go to Purgatory, but they are saved! Because of this the devil hates very much the priests: because where there is a priest, there are the hands that consecrate the bread and the wine, making them to become for us the Body and the Blood of Jesus Christ. Thus we must pray very much for the priests, because the devil attacks them constantly.
Our Lord showed me all of this.
The SacramentsOnly by way of the priest do we have the sacrament of reconciliation, for example! Only by way of him do we obtain the pardon of our faults. Do you know what the confessional is? It is the “bathing of souls”! Not with water and soap, but with the Blood of Christ! When my soul was filthy, black due to sin, if I would have confessed, it would have been washed with the Blood of Christ, furthermore I would have broken the strings that held me tied to the evil one. Would he not therefore have reason, the devil, to detest the priests?! Also those who might have been great sinners, have the power to absolve sins. And the Lord showed me how: in the Wound of His Heart… Yes!
You know, there are things which surpass the intellect of man because they are spiritual realities, and yet we are talking about truths more real than ours… Through this Wound, I was saying, a soul rises up to the Divine level, to the level of the Divine Mercy, to the door of Mercy, it rises up to the Heart of Jesus, eternal Priest; and there, Jesus places His Cross, bleeding in His Eternal Present… And that soul returns clean. Now I see how my soul returned clean in the confession, and in every sin that I confessed, Our Lord breaks the stings that united me to Satan. (And I, unfortunately, stayed away from confession!)
… But all this happens only by way of the priest. Thus we have the obligation and the duty to pray for them, so that God might protect them, might enlighten them, and might guide them.
For all these motives the devil hates terribly the Catholic Church and the priests.
MatrimonyI would like to speak to you about the great grace that is the sacrament of matrimony. When we enter into church the day of our wedding, at the moment in which we say our “yes”, promising to be faithful for ever, in joy and in sorrow, in health and in sickness, etc., do you know to Whom we promise? Nothing more, nothing less than to God the Father! Our God is enthralled with matrimony! He is the only Witness, when we say these words. Each of us, when we will die, will see this moment precisely in the Book of Life. Then we will catch sight of an indescribable golden light, an intense splendor: God the Father writes these words in the Book with letters of gold, so beautiful.
In the moment in which we receive the Body and the Blood of Jesus, we form a pact with God, and with the person whom we have chosen to share together a life. When we pronounce these words, we say them to the Most Holy Trinity.
I saw that on the day of my matrimony, when myself and my husband received the Most Holy Eucharist, we were no longer two, but three! We two, and Jesus! In fact, as soon as we communicate with Jesus, He unites us as one thing only! He places us in His Heart and we become ONE, forming with Jesus a holy trinity! “Let man not separate what God has united”.
Now I ask: who separates this ONE? No one! No one, brothers, can separate it! No one, after the matrimony has been consummated! And if the two spouses arrive virgin to the matrimony, you cannot imagine the blessings that are poured on this matrimony!
I saw also the matrimony of my parents. When my father slipped the ring on the finger of my mother, and the priest declared them husband and wife, Our Lord consigned to my father a staff of wood, shining with Light, which seemed a little bent. We are dealing here with a grace that God gives to the man: it is a gift of authority of God the Father, so that this man might be able to guide this little flock who are his children, born in matrimony, and also to defend the matrimony and the children from so many evils that attack the families.
To my mother, God the Father placed in the heart something that seemed like a sphere of Fire, so beautiful: it signifies the Love of God, the Holy Spirit. I knew that my mother was a very pure woman. God was happy, joyous. You cannot imagine how many unclean spirits seized my father in that moment. These spirits seem like larva, bloodsuckers. You know, when someone has relationships outside of marriage, the evil spirits immediately attach themselves to all the parts of the person; they begin with his sexual organs, they take possession of the flesh, of the hormones; they occupy the brain, they take the pituitary gland and all the neurological parts of the organism of the person, and they begin to produce a quantity of hormones that bring the instincts lower. They transform a child of God into a slave of the flesh, of his own instincts, of his sexual appetite, that which brings the person to be that which, as they say, “they enjoy life”.
When a couple is virgin, it gives glory to God. A sacred pact happens with Him, who sanctifies this sexuality. In fact the sexuality is not sin! God has given it as a blessing, because sexuality is God and the couple. Where there is the sacrament of matrimony, (also if the spouses did not arrive there virgins), God is present in this sacramental bed! Because in the wedding bed, blessed by the sacrament of matrimony, there is the Holy Spirit; even in the meals of this couple there is the presence of the Lord God, who blesses the food. God remains enraptured before matrimony; He is happy to accompany the spouses in their new life, in this beginning of a new life together. The couple and the Lord form a Trinity. Unfortunately many spouses do not know this, they do not have this notion… And they do not even think about God: they marry only because of tradition, and not for faith… They think only to go out of the church to go to have a party, to eat, to drink, to take off on the honeymoon… Keep in mind that in this there is no evil: the evil lies in leaving the Lord outside of all of this. As I did, who left the Lord on the street; it did not even enter my head to invite Him in my new life, in our new house. He, in fact, has pleasure that we invite Him to enter and to be with us forever, in the joys and in the moments less good; He desires that we feel His presence… Certainly, in the sacrament of matrimony the Lord is present also without being invited… But how much more beautiful it would be if of this presence we might be conscious…
In the matrimony of my parents, the most beautiful thing was that God gave back to my father the gifts and the Grace that he had lost: this because he married my mother, who was a woman very pure in sentiments, and virgin. I looked at my father, his disordered and filthy sexuality. But because he was very “macho”, and his friends having begun to put into him poison, telling him not to let the wife charm and dominate him, and that he had to continue his life as before, and so two weeks after matrimony he ended up in a whorehouse, in order to show his friends that he was continuing to be the same, that he did not let himself be dominated by the wife…
Do you know how his staff of authority and protection, that God gave him, ended up? The devil took it away from him! And all those evil spirits, those unclean beings, returned to take him to themselves. From pastor of his flock, my father transformed himself into a wolf of his own family and of his home!
When one is unfaithful to his wedding, he is unfaithful to God. He is lacking in his word, to the oath that he made, to God and to the person that he married, in the day of his matrimony. He does not do what he promised. If someone has the intention of not being faithful to his own marriage, it is better not to get married. The Lord tells us: if you are unfaithful, you will condemn yourself! If you will not be faithful, do not get married! Son, daughter, ask me the grace to be faithful to your wife, to your husband, and to God.
How many evils come into a marriage, due to infidelity?! A husband, for example, goes to a whorehouse, or is unfaithful with the secretary. Notwithstanding the precautions, he contracts a virus; and even washing himself afterwards, that virus does not die… So, when later he has relations with the wife, the virus enters the vagina of the woman and it remains there in the bottom, and arrives to the uterus. In time it forms an ulcer, of which often the women does not notice. And when, years later, the wife goes to the doctor suffering very much, it is diagnosed cancer. Yes! Cancer! And then, who says that adultery does not kill? Moreover, how many abortions are done due to adultery? For example, how many women, who had been unfaithful and became pregnant, have recourse to abortion so that the husband might not discover it? They kill an innocent one that is not able to speak, nor defend himself! And this is only some examples. Adultery kills in so many and diverse forms! Then, we still have the courage to protest against God, when things do not go well, when we have problems, when sicknesses arrive: while it is we who procured these things with our sins, drawing evil on our life. Behind sin, there is always the evil one! We open the doors to him, when we sin so gravely! And then still we lament that God does not love us. Where is God, who permits this or that?! What nerve we have! May you know that God is the rock that protects marriage. Woe to the one who tries to destroy a matrimony! When someone tries, he collides with this Rock who is Jesus. God defends matrimony, do not ever doubt it!
I desire also to inform you to be very careful with regard to those mother-in-laws who interfere in the marriage of the children, to disturb them, causing problems in their relationships. Also if the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law, in the right or in the wrong, that they might not be to her liking, they are already married, and there is nothing more to do. The only thing is to pray for them: that they might pray for that marriage, and put it aside! Many women have condemned themselves for having interfered in the marriage of their children! This is a grave sin! If you see that something is not going right, that one of them or both are sinning, supplicate God for them, ask help from God. You can also call the couple and speak to the two, inviting them to save the marriage, to think about the children, and reminding them that marriage is for love, to give and to forgive reciprocally. One must fight in favor of the marriage, this yes: but never interfere in another way, and even less to take a position in favor of one or the other.
Honor the Father and the MotherJesus continued to show me everything… I already recounted to you how I was ungrateful to my parents, how I was ashamed of them; I spoke bad about them and I disavowed them because they were poor and could not give me all that my rich friends had. I was an ungrateful daughter, to the point of saying that that one was not my mother, because she seemed inferior to me. It was frightening to see a summary of a woman without God. She destroys all that she draws near to. And beyond all this, and this is the worst thing, I felt and I believed to be a very good person!
I thought that regarding the 4th commandment I would have passed through well, because my parents had cost me a lot: I spent a lot of money for them, due to their sicknesses, (all the analysis, in fact, were done by payment), because both of them had grave sicknesses before dying. It was my husband who covered the expenses, and would say: “Look after a little bit these two shameless ones, they do not leave a penny in heredity and even more it is necessary to spend a fortune for them. The parents of my friends, instead, leave goods and…”. And the Lord showed me how I analyzed everything from the point of view of money, because I manipulated even my parents when I had money and power, I even profited from them.
With money I made myself god, and I trampled on even my parents. Do you know what grieved me the most? To see them there… My father was crying, seeing that he had been a good father, that he had taught the daughter to be a worker, a fighter, an entrepreneur, to be respected, because only those who work go forward… But I forgot a particular: that I had a soul, and that he was my evangelizer, with his witness. My life began to sink, with the example that he gave me. He saw now, with profound sorrow, the responsibility he had before God, since he was a womanizer, and he used to say happily, boasting to my mother and to everyone, to be very “macho”, because he had many women and he could conquer all of them. Moreover he used to drink and smoke. He was also a good person, but had these vices, which according to him were not such, on the contrary he believed them to be virtues. He was very proud. I, who was just a baby and saw how my mother would cry when he spoke about the other women, began to fill myself with anger, with resentments of rage. The resentment begins with the spiritual death: I felt a frightening anger in seeing how my father humiliated my mother before people, and how he caused here so many tears… And she, did not say anything. There I began my rebellion.
When I was adolescent, I used to say to my mother: “I will never do like you. You throw the dignity of women underfoot. For this we women are not worth anything: the whole fault is due to woman like you, without dignity, without pride, who allow themselves to be trodden underfoot and to be humiliated by men!” And to my father, I used to say: “Dad, listen well: I will never permit a man to do to me what you do to Mom! Never! If one day a man might be unfaithful to me, I will vindicate myself! I do the same thing, so that he might learn!” My father beat me shouting: “How dare you, little girl?!” I do not know why my father was so chauvinist. I said to him: “OK, you can even beat me… But if one day I will marry, and my husband betrays me, I will vindicate myself, I will repay him with the same coin, so that men might understand and experience how a woman suffers, when a man tramples her and humiliated her is such a way!” I filled myself with all this hate and resentment. You know, I felt so much rage, that this made of my life a rebellion: I began to live with the desire to defend the woman. I began to support abortion, euthanasia, divorce, and I counseled all the women who I knew, to vindicate themselves if their husband betrayed them! I was never unfaithful physically, but I did much harm to so many people with these counsels.
When I was finally economically well off, I began to say to my mother: “Mom, get separated from Dad, because it is impossible to put up with such a man! Have a little dignity, give worth to yourself, Mom!” Even though he was like that, I liked my father: do you know that I loved him, despite everything? Because my mother was truly a good woman, who never, never, taught us to hate, neither my father, or anyone else! … And I, you can imagine a little bit! I wanted to get my parents to get divorced! But my mother used to say: “No, my daughter, I cannot; I suffer, it is true, but I sacrifice myself for you, my children. You are seven and I am only one. I sacrifice myself because yours is a good father: I would be incapable of separating myself from him and leaving you without a father. And then, if I separated myself, who would pray so that your father might save himself? It is I that can beseech the Lord for him, so that he might find salvation: in fact, the pain and the suffering that he procures for me, I unite them to the pains that Jesus suffered on the Cross. Everyday I go to church, and before the tabernacle I say: “Lord, this suffering is nothing; I unite it to that of Your Cross, so that my husband and my children might save themselves.” I entrust your father to Jesus, together with the Rosary. The devil pushes him toward the bottom making him sin, but I push him up with the Rosary, I bring him before the Blessed Sacrament in the tabernacle and I say to Jesus: “Lord, he is here: I confide that you will not let me die without seeing him converted. Lord, I do not pray only for my husband, but also for all the women who are in the same situation, especially for those who, instead of kneeling down to beseech you for their husband and for their children, put themselves into the hands of the enchanters and of the fortune-tellers, or else they betray them, consigning their own soul and the family into the claws of the evil one. Lord, I pray for these women, for these families.”
You know, eight years before dying, my father converted! He repented, he asked pardon from God, and the Lord pardoned him. He was in Purgatory, in the lowest part, in great suffering, so that he made reparation for his sins. To make reparation for sin is something that we do not take very seriously, we do not think about it. Certainly, often it is not possible, but precisely for this the Lord grants us the grace to make reparation for our errors through the Eucharist. Every time we participate at a Mass, the Lord gives us the grace to make reparation for the evil that we have committed. God shows us, in the life after, the consequences of our sins, of the evil that we have done to neighbor. Even a bad look, an ugly word… If we could see how terrible it is! And how we cry, there, all these errors!
In the case of my father, my mother said to him to counsel my brothers that they might abandon the life of sin that they were leading. In fact, they were following the footsteps of the father, in infidelity, in drinking… They were his copy. If he might have done as the wife said to him, this would have been reparation. But he always responded to let the kids have fun, that they were only engaged, and that latter they would have time to change! He gave a bad example to my brothers, and he did not repair for his sins. He was crying, there in Purgatory, and he said: “I saved myself thanks to 38 years of prayer of this holy woman, that God gave me as a spouse!” My mother passed 38 years of her life praying for him!
Satan and His StrategyThose who saw the film of the Passion of Christ, will remember that while they scourged Jesus, one sees a devil with a little child, (also he a devil), who looks at Jesus and smiles. Well, may you know that today he is no longer a baby, but a malefic genius, enormous and perverse, who keeps in slavery many peoples, with the pleasures of the flesh, with magic, with erroneous theologies, as for example those which affirm that the devil does not exist. Imagine the astuteness of the devil, who denies himself! He makes us believe that he does not exist, in order to be able to act undisturbed! Yes, he guides the instructions of men in order to make them believe that he does not exist, and so to bring us to destruction. He finds a way to confuse even those who believe in God; when there are true apparitions, for example, he makes to believe that they are false. He confuses the people in thousands and a manner, taking advantage of the weak side of each one. Many Catholics, believers and practicing, go to Mass and to the magician at the same time. Because the evil one makes to believe that there is nothing evil here, and that we go to Heaven all the same, because we certainly do not use magic to do evil to someone! The devil guides, uses and directs all of this with a very well prepared strategy. You know therefore that, when we have recourse to magic, it does not matter for whatever, the beast imprints his seal. When we go to some enchanter, or diviner, or fortune-teller, or astrologer, or to one who invokes the spirits, in all of these places the devil places his seal, his stamp.